How to orgasm -> 15 tips and tricks for your next great Big O
We’ve got the best stuff for you to try, whether you’re hitting it off with your partner or going solo.
The moment you’ve been longing for is finally coming: Your head is bent backward, your back arched, your fingers gripping the rumpled sheets. You’re on the edge, breathlessly anticipating your climax… but then your pleasure plateaus, falling flat into a decidedly anti-climactic end.
So much for a ravishing, heart-racing affair. You wind up eating your heart out instead as you curl up and sleep off the disappointment.
As a woman, you’ve probably realized at some point that sex or masturbation isn’t always the toe-curling, breathtaking holy grail people make it out to be. But if it gives you any consolation, you’re not alone. Almost one-third (31.6%) of women admitted that they have experienced an orgasm only rarely or sometimes.
However, this doesn’t mean you have to give up on your blissful, wet dreams altogether. There are still many ways for women like you to get the most delight out of every sexual experience! For that reason, we've gathered some of the best tips and tricks that you can apply in your next raunchy repertoire.
Covering all your bases
Before anything else, you have to make sure that you’re mentally and emotionally prepared to make the most out of your intimate moments, both alone and shared. When you're able to carve up some free time for some naughty fun, why not make the most bang out of your buck?
1. Appreciate your body
First and foremost, for you to have a fun time in bed, you need to be able to embrace your own unique body.
The more you cultivate a strong appreciation for every inch of yourself, the more you'd be comfortable in your own skin. Unsurprisingly, this would make it easier for you to immerse yourself in every sexual encounter instead of focusing too much on how you think you look.
2. Be open-minded
Drop everything that you think you know about having sex. Penetrative sex or the usual penis-in-vagina intercourse isn't the only way you can reach the peak. The sooner you let go of this misconception, the quicker you’d be able to breeze through the rest of the items on this list.
Listen to what your partner may have in mind. It’s alright if a new idea may seem bizarre, so long as both of you are comfortable with trying it out. Of course, tell them how and where you want it too!
3. Get in the mood
Steamy session later? Prepare for the long, exciting night ahead by indulging your mind. Read up on some juicy erotica. Watch some intense and passionate feminist porn. Or how about playing your favorite sexy songs?
More femmes are drawn to reading erotica because they tend to crave the emotional investment between its pages, as opposed to watching porn.
It's definitely alright to get turned on by literature, film, or music. That's not cheating on your partner— we call that taking inspiration from other people's art. So why not let your partner join in while you're at it? Just give it a whirl; you won’t regret it, we promise.
4. Set the scene
Before you get ready to rumble, make sure that you set the scene first. Eliminate all forms of distraction and decorate the room however you like. Feeling like having fun between the sheets? How about a shower with your beloved? That's completely up to you.
Of course, don't forget to look your best! Wear some delicate lingerie that hugs your figure at all the right places. But if strutting down on your birthday suit is your thing, that's alright with us too.
Getting into the action
Now that you’ve gotten everything prepped beforehand, we can finally move on to the fun part. Time to get it on with yourself or your partner! What are the things that you can do to make your sexy time more exhilarating?
5. Take it slow
The time has come for you to get physical. But hold up, not so fast though! Don’t just crash-land into your destination and risk missing out on all the fun.
One of the best ways to get an orgasm is to gradually build up to that climax— coax it carefully, instead of forcing it right away. That’s the key to knowing yourself and your partner more intimately.
6. Talk dirty
Hear us out— dirty talk may sound silly at first, especially when you’re not accustomed to it, but it actually comes with perks. For one, it stimulates your brain, which is the most powerful sexual organ you have. Even simply moaning or whispering during sex does the trick for both parties in the same manner.
Not to mention, you’d be able to communicate effectively with your partner what feels comfortable and pleasurable for you in real-time. Walk them through your most sensitive spots, and you might just be able to reach orgasm together!
7. Dry hump
Can’t get over that hump? Just give it a ride! All you have to do for dry humping is to rub your genitals against any part of your partner (or any soft object, if you’re on a solo rodeo) with your clothes still on.
You may have your doubts on whether this would work like a charm for you. But trust us, once you instinctively find the rhythm that clicks for you and your partner, you'll hit it off in no time.
8. Don’t overthink
If there’s one thing you have to keep in mind during masturbation or sex, it’s that you shouldn’t think too much into it.
Instead of worrying about how you’re “performing” or being too bent on getting your orgasm, focus your mind on the pleasures and sensations that the present moment has to offer. Feel how every movement or position stimulates you, then proceed to do more of what feels good.
When your mind keeps your own arousal as a mantra, you’ll amaze yourself at how incredibly easy it is to fulfill your desires.
9. Switch it up
Whether you’re masturbating or having sex, you’ll benefit from switching things up every now and then. Why stick to the same old patterns when you could kick it up a notch? Add a nice touch to your act by introducing new motions: gentle taps, constant pressure, circular rhythms, or other combinations.
Or better yet, why not just show your partner how it’s done? Guide their hand through your erogenous zones, then teach them how you pleasure yourself. Emily Morse, sex educator and host of Sex with Emily, seconds this motion: Guys can be more action-oriented than ladies, after all.
10. Prepare for orals
Just like your partner’s fingers, their tongue can also do wonders for your body, especially for your clit. So how about letting them go down on you?
At least 2 out of 5 women said they need clitoral stimulation to climax, while it makes sex feel better for another 2 out of 5, even when it’s not necessary.
It’ll be a wonderful experience for your partner to get to know what turns you on. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and feel great. Maybe you could return the favor on your next round too!
11. Get hands all over
Here’s where your multitasking skills can shine through. If you’re going solo, don’t just give your genitals all the attention. Explore and stimulate your other erogenous zones, like your breasts or thighs.
Naturally, the same goes for sex! While your partner is going downtown, they could also slip a finger or two inside for that extra juicy feeling. Feel free to move your hips against their mouth, and the motions will get you to that peak in no time.
12. Tease a little
Want to make your orgasm even more intense? Take yourself to the edge of pleasure, but don’t allow yourself to take that plunge just yet! In a process called edging, you’ll be pausing for a while before slowly stimulating yourself again.
On average, it takes women 20 minutes of stimulation to achieve orgasm, but of course, it’s perfectly alright if it takes you more or less.
Your patience will be rewarded by a longer and stronger climax afterward. Plus, it’s even an effective treatment for premature ejaculation in men. So why not take this as an opportunity to be more mindful of what gives you and your partner pleasure?
Spicing it up
Now that we’ve gone through all the basics, you might be wondering what else you can add to spice up your sex life. Not to worry— there are still some more goodies that you can throw in the bag to get that orgasm you’ve been hoping for.
13. Grab a pair
Who says women don’t have the balls? Go grab a pair of Kegel balls to exercise the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles that surround your lower hips. That way, you’ll be increasing blood flow to your genital area, something that typically happens when you’re aroused.
Not to mention, Kegel exercises also help with pregnancy recovery and bladder control, so you’ll be reaping far more benefits than you’ve bargained for. So why not squeeze these balls into your schedule and incorporate that tension in your next sexy act?
14. Slip ‘n slide
If you want to make your experience glide more smoothly, there’s no shame in splurging on some lube— even when you don’t really feel dry down there. You’ll appreciate just how different sex could be when you’re dripping with that hot stuff.
And if you want to ramp up your foreplay, you can also apply some saucy massage oil and make your caresses a little slicker down the road. If that passionate rubdown doesn’t make you and your partner go to town, we don’t know what will!
15. Buy sex toys
Looking for something new apart from manual stimulation? Time to explore some of your electronic options! For instance, a dildo of your preferred size and shape can come in handy during your sexy time. Or what about butt plugs to go knocking on your backdoor?
Vibrators are even more varied in terms of appearance and function. Each toy is designed to suit your desires or preferences, whether you’re in the mood for some buzzy stimulation, clit-sucking action, or remote-controlled orgasm.
Are you ballsy enough to get some Kegel exercises going? Slick enough for a round of action with lube or massage oil? How about getting some lovin’ from the best sex toys in town? Whatever you’re looking for, Noti’s got them for you here!
Without a doubt, getting to that Big O can take time and practice, especially when you’re new to all this. So if you don’t quite get there just yet, don’t feel disheartened by the plateau phase. Just enjoy the view anyway, and trust that you’ll be coming back stronger next time— perhaps even more than once.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What can I do to achieve an orgasm?
It all boils down to three things. First, you have to set the scene to prepare yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Then you get into the action: Explore various touches and switch it up, but don’t rush or overthink it. Third, you can grab sex toys and other accessories to improve your overall experience.
Is it harmful for me to watch porn or read erotica before having sex?
It’s not wrong for women to partake in the visual feast that is porn just like men or read into their favorite adult-themed novels. That's not cheating on your partner— that’s taking inspiration from other people's art! Just be careful not to idealize the bodies on screen and feel that yours isn’t sexy too.
How long does it usually take for women to achieve orgasm?
On average, it takes women 20 minutes of stimulation to achieve orgasm during sex. (That’s opposed to men, who only need 7 to 14 minutes.) But of course, it’s perfectly alright if it takes you more or less. All that matters is that everyone enjoys the sexual experience, no matter how long it takes!
How do I make my orgasms last longer?
There are a few proven ways to make your orgasms longer and more intense. One is edging, which is deliberately taking a step back when you’re at the edge of orgasm before stimulating yourself again. And while you’re not having sex, work on some exercises with Kegel balls to improve your pelvic-floor muscles.
Is it alright for me to fake it till I make it?
While orgasms shouldn’t be the be-all, end-all of sex, it’s best to be honest about your own experience. Faking it would send the wrong signals, so your partner thinks they could do the same thing again next time. Then you’ll have to fake it again— it’s a downward spiral from then on.
I’ve done everything on that list, but I still couldn’t orgasm— what should I do?
If being unable to orgasm is still a problem for you despite your best efforts, this could be a sign of some sort of orgasmic dysfunction. It’s best to consult your doctor about this for more options to treat your underlying problem.
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