The mind-blowing sexual wonders of the female brain

The secret to breathtaking, toe-curling sex? It’s all in your head.

To keep your sexy time blazing at night, you probably think you only need to focus on stimulating your genitals. A little tease here, a gentle tug there. You explore the most daring positions with your partner, but nothing seems to do the trick.

Everything just seems too mechanical. Why does it feel like a part of you is holding back? Well, you might be forgetting about your most powerful sex organ— and it isn’t found between your legs. 

It’s your own brilliant mind, no less. And it needs to get in the mood too.

Before getting down on it, listen closely to what’s between your ears… and prepare to be mind-blown.

Light it up

Why do we have to pay more attention to how our brain works?

The human brain is the organ that controls all that we sense and experience in our everyday life. Of course, that includes our sexual pleasure. So whenever we get the tingle in our sensitive spots, all the nerves lead to our mind.

Needless to say, this complex part of us goes commando whenever we have sex. And it does so with the help of two intermingling regions of our brain.

First, there’s the amygdala, the almond-shaped area in our head that’s involved in processing our emotions. That means this nutty thing is oddly responsible for both fear and sexual arousal. In short, it makes a woman in heat act like a deer caught in the headlights— heart racing, blood pumping, and breath hitching!

And then we have the nucleus accumbens, also known as our brain’s reward center. It gives us a ping whenever we experience pleasure so that we’d always want to get a second helping of a passionate moment. Another round of tonsil hockey, anyone?

Not all parts of the brain light up whenever we get blissfully aroused, however. Jennifer Sweeton, Ph.D., an American psychologist, observed that two areas switch off in female minds during sex: one that controls our perception of social judgment, and the other that’s in charge of our own inhibition.

Do you swear like a sailor? As per neuropsychologist and relationship expert Daryl Cioffi, dirty talk and curses light up the same area of your brain. 

What exactly makes good sex feel so irresistible? The answer lies in the exciting cocktail that our brain concocts when it gets the right signals. Here are some hormones you can get during happy hour:

• Oxytocin. Also known as “the love hormone,” it’s produced in your brain especially when your nipples get stimulated. This makes you crave more physical affection once you get wet down there!
• Dopamine. Expect a heady rush of dopamine whenever you’re swimming in desire and satisfaction. Since this is your feel-good hormone, it’ll make you want to go banging again and again!
• Norepinephrine. Is your heart beating faster yet? That must be the norepinephrine pumping throughout your system, making you giddy all over.
• Serotonin. If you’re feeling euphoric, that’s because you’re popping your body’s happy pill. You’ll be high on this when you achieve your Big O!
• Melatonin. You’ll be enveloped with a sense of calm after a steamy sesh. Plenty of time to hit the sack with your lovely partner, isn’t it?

Thinking back

If the female brain is also wired to indulge in physical desire, why can it be difficult for us to wrap our heads around our own sexuality?

For the longest time, society believed men would have sex with anything that moves, while women are supposed to just take this lying down. This idea became so pervasive in the 19th century that even psychologists viewed female pleasure as “aberrant” or “psychotic.” They chalked up women’s sexual frustration to hysteria, which they dubbed as “the wandering womb.”

Alfred Kinsey, the first American sexologist, conducted the first Kinsey survey in the 1940s to reveal more about female sexuality, including how it was normal for women to have “wet dreams.” Unfortunately, he still asserted in the 1950s that men are aroused more easily than women.

Evolutionary psychologists thought these observations were fitting at the time. They reasoned that men are consumed by their urge to procreate, while women are more preoccupied with pregnancy, birth, and childcare.

Of course, modern research has already disproved this notion. A study led by Hamid Noori in 2019 showed that women respond to sexual imagery just like men. As it turned out in MRI scans, our marvelous minds light up at the sight of porn too. 

A survey by Gina Ogden reveals that women can orgasm through erotic fantasies alone— 64% of respondents reported having this ability.

So what’s made us believe that men are inherently more sexual than women at all? “Maybe... for the woman, there are secondary inhibitory effects that keep them away from expressing what they really feel,” Noori told The Guardian.

The burning desire

Indeed, Noori was onto something. Society still disapproves of us women exploring their own sexual desires, even in the comfort of our own minds.

This stigma can make us disconnected from our own arousal. A scientific review illustrates how we might not realize what turns us on even when it’s right in front of our eyes. In fact, the women in the study didn’t think a sexual image “is” or “should be” arousing, despite their lady bits telling a different story. What a shame!

Needless to say, it’s about time we move past these outdated beliefs and start believing that the female brain deserves to have some hot stuff too.

What health benefits can our mind get from accepting this naked truth? These are just a few you might want to look into:

• Sex is good for your mental health! It’s been proven to decrease stress, anxiety, and depression for everyone, including women like you.
• The delicious sensations on your skin during sex also help ground your reality, which, in turn, makes you more mindful and appreciative of the present. Another hip hip hoo-ha for mental health!
• Let’s face it: There’s nothing like the healthy dose of melatonin in sex that can make you doze off like a baby in your partner’s arms. Ah, such bliss.
• Vaginal stimulation in particular doubles the pain threshold of women, because as it turned out, the “pleasure centers” in the brain block out pain during orgasm.
• Numerous studies show that sexually active women have a better memory than those who aren’t. Now that’s what you call a good mental exercise!

Keeping in mind

Female desire gets a lot of bad rap from conservative minds. No wonder it can be hard for us to embrace it as a natural part of us. Still, it’s worth working through centuries of unwarranted stigma so we can finally explore the real needs and pleasures of our own brain.

What can we do to nurture a healthier mindset towards our sexuality? Here are some great ideas you can keep in mind:

• Warm it up. Try not to rush into doing the deed with your partner. Ease your beautiful brain into the sexy time ahead by relaxing yourself first. How about a nice, warm bath to tickle your senses?
• Eyes on the prize. Our lives can get so busy that we’re consumed by other thoughts even when we’re between the sheets. Catch yourself whenever your mind drifts off elsewhere!
• Talk dirty. Let your partner know just how bad you want it. Trust us, even your grunts, moans, and other delicious sounds in bed will work wonders.
• The right side of bed. Why not wake up and start your morning with a quick sesh? Count on the rush of hormones to get you through the busy day!
• At your pleasure. Remember that sex isn’t only about your partner’s sexual well-being— it’s also about yours. So don’t worry too much about satisfying your partner, and start voicing out what feels good for you too. 

Ready for some breathtaking, toe-curling action? Making your erotic fantasies a reality can be easier than you realize once you adopt a more sex-positive kind of thinking. Great sex is mind over matter, after all.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is our most powerful sexual organ?

Contrary to popular opinion, your most prominent sexual organ isn’t found between your legs. It’s actually the brain that lights up the most during your sexy time, and it even has the ability to induce orgasms in women without any physical touch. Mind over matter, ladies!

Why does sex feel so good?

Whenever we get down and dirty, the nerves in our clitoris, vagina, breasts, and other erogenous zones send signals to our brain, which in turn releases a delicious cocktail of feel-good hormones. Think oxytocin for affection and dopamine for pleasure, to name a few!

Do men actually desire sex more than women?

While it’s true that on average, men think of sex more on a daily basis, this doesn’t mean that they crave it more than women, or that women aren’t “sexual creatures.” Women can be just as sexually active as men on their fertile days, and there’s no shame in that.

What are the benefits of sex for the brain?

Sex is good for women’s health and well-being! Off the top of our head, it decreases stress, anxiety, and depression; develops mindfulness; promotes a good night’s sleep; increases your pain threshold; and improves your cognitive memory. What more can you ask for?

How can we ease ourselves into mindblowing sex?

There are a lot of ways for you to enjoy sex more, like prepping your brain for a great sesh, focusing on the present, and pretty much letting your freak flag fly. The bottom line is, you have to let go of your inhibitions and see where your fascinating mind can take you.