Reading for pleasure: How sex stories help women explore their sexuality
Despite its name, there’s always more to any well-written sex story than just the sex itself.
Looking for an electrifying way to turn yourself on? Watching porn can be the most obvious option, but it’s not really for everyone. This mainstream variety often tends to be sex stripped of plot or buildup— what if we’re craving more substance?
This is where the more sensual and imaginative sex story comes in.
What are sex stories anyway? At first glance, they seem to be self-explanatory: short, written narratives of thrilling sexual encounters. But despite its name, there’s more to it than just the sex itself. Written erotica knows well to go beyond the physical pleasure to reel you in with the right mood and intimacy.
It’s not nearly as explicit as porn, but that’s kind of the point. Without the visual cues, sex stories actively encourage you to be more imaginative, giving you the opportunity to seek, discover, and push the boundaries of your own sexuality.
Sex stories are not a new phenomenon. They've drawn inspiration from long-form novels and caused quite a stir in the literary community. Some of the best examples include Madame Bovary, which was released in 1827, and Lady Chatterley's Lover that followed suit a century later, in 1928.
So in this day and age, immersing yourself in a steamy read or two isn’t even as strange as you might think. In fact, one survey reveals that while more than 3 out of 4 men watch porn, 53% of women aren’t missing out with at least an occasional erotica read.
Sex educator and author Emily Nagoski says this has a lot to do with how our brains are wired for pleasure. Men are turned on by the visual stimulation that porn has to offer. On the other hand, women’s desires are more motivated by the emotional investment behind the act.
Harold Leitenberg of The Journal of Sex Research reports that women who love reading adult romance novels have 74% more sex than those who don’t.
"Sex is most satisfying for most women when you’re in a context that is low stress, high trust, high affection, and explicitly erotic," Nagoski adds.
Because of its rising trend of readership among women, it’s no wonder how page after page of sex stories are tailored for us and our unique sexual pleasures. But what exactly do women stand to gain from reading erotica?
Creating a safe space.. It’s all in your own head, which makes everything a lot more immersive and exhilarating. You can explore your own desires and live them through fictional characters— the only limit is your imagination. Consider the story as a script for your wandering mind.
Learning consent.. Reading sex stories can help you get a good grasp of what feels right for you and what does not. By being able to determine your boundaries, you’ll be able to become more sexually adventurous and make more informed choices. You’ll learn how consent is central to healthy sexual relationships.
Embracing your own body. Last but not the least, placing yourself in the shoes of the main character allows you to embrace and love your own body. Mainstream porn frequently pits you against the able-bodied and conventionally beautiful actresses on screen. Removing this pressure would enable you to perceive yourself as a worthy subject, and not just an object, of sexual pleasure.
There’s no doubt that sexual pleasure is one of the most misunderstood aspects of female empowerment. That’s why it can feel truly liberating to read into artful portrayals of sexual fantasies in the form of short stories.
They may be fictional accounts, but they certainly echo an undeniable truth about women: We all seek and deserve guilt-free satisfaction in our own way.
Reading for pleasure? Look no further. We’ve dedicated this section of curated sex stories just for you. Feel free to immerse yourself in our original erotica— and treat your me time not as a vice, but as an essential part of your overall wellness.
Do you like writing erotica? Get your story published @NOTI
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BODY IMAGE
The understated beauty of having a positive body image Set your sights on a more beautiful and empowered you. Whenever you look in a mirror, are there things you want to change about what you see? You might be insecure about your weight, the excess fat on your stomach, your thick thighs, or some other part of your body. If you feel like this about yourself, you’re not alone. Body image issues are now more common especially among younger women, who are most swayed by popular media. According to psychologist Heather R. Gallivan, about 4 out of 5 women admit that they don’t like how they look. But just because it’s how things are doesn’t mean it’s how things should be. Do we really have to change what we look like to be happier and more confident? Or is there something else entirely that needs to change? Reflecting on body image What do we really see when we look at our reflection in the mirror? Body image doesn’t have much to do with our actual weight, height, or shape. Instead, it’s about how we think and feel about our appearance. And this picture we create in our heads? It’s subjective— strongly influenced by what we hear from our family, friends, and society. While anyone can suffer from a negative body image, this problem is actually more widespread among women. However, lesbian women are less likely to be swayed by such feelings than heterosexual and bisexual women. But the truth is, beauty standards the world teaches us aren’t even as objective or consistent as you think. It would only take three minutes for you to watch “Women's Ideal Body Types Throughout History” and realize that throughout three millennia, humankind has placed a diverse set of figures on a pedestal in various cultures. And why look further when we can see this in our own country’s culture? A Cut episode of the Philippines’ “100 years of beauty in 1 Minute” features how our standards have been influenced by Spanish, American, Japanese, and Korean influences mixing with our own through the decades. Women’s bodies come in all shapes and sizes. To find beauty in diversity, we must learn to admire each and every physique, including our own. As it turns out, the “ideal” female body is a myth. So instead of running after beauty trends that change year after year, why can’t we stop and accept the way we are now? Smoke and mirrors While the image of perfection has always changed as time passes by, the societal pressure on women to look picture perfect has remained constant. In this day and age, you’re probably used to seeing this era’s “It Girl” through both traditional and digital media. We’re constantly bombarded by photos of female celebrities maintaining a youthful face and supple skin way past their prime. Or updates of female influencers promoting the latest diet fad or exercise routine. The messages you’ve been getting are more confusing than ever: be skinny but healthy, and have large breasts and backside with a toned stomach. It’s hardly fair for most women. Truth be told, the weight criterion alone has become so hard to attain that it could only be achieved by less than 5% of the female population. The media rarely shows us the plastic surgery or photo manipulation required to meet these crazy standards. The scientific consensus points towards how these messages frequently bring about body image dissatisfaction. And yet, they are just coming from corporations who tell us we’re not enough because they want to sell us something— clothes, skincare, or other products that take advantage of our insecurities. As a woman, you get to control your own body and self-worth. Don’t let society dictate what you should look like or how you should act to be liked. This is how society can alter the perception of women, which is why you end up frowning at your reflection in despair. But you’ve been gazing at smoke and mirrors all along. Why is it so important to develop a positive body image in spite of what the media tells us? Body satisfaction makes you less vulnerable to mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. A positive body image brings about your emotional well-being, since self-esteem is the biggest predictor of body satisfaction. Body satisfaction would also mean a higher sexual function, which means better sex and more orgasms for you. A Canadian research found that women with a negative body image had difficulty achieving arousal and orgasm. It’s never too late to change the way you see yourself. No matter what others might think, all women are beautiful in every shape and form. We should be free to love our bodies the way they are and enjoy sexual pleasure the way we want. Thinking body positive The time has come for us to rethink the way we look at ourselves in the mirror. Women of all shapes and sizes are worthy of appreciation. So instead of wanting to change what you don’t like, you can start by embracing who you truly are as a person. Body positivity is all about understanding your own worth, caring for your body, and not punishing yourself for not looking a certain way. It’s also being more comfortable in your own skin, despite other people’s opinions. Women who don’t like their own naked body will find it difficult to get intimate with someone else. Be kinder to your reflection. Nurture your body knowing that you are deserving of love. When you appreciate even the changes in your appearance through the years, you will be able to deepen your relationship with your partner and, more importantly, yourself. So what are some small things you can do to appreciate your own silhouette? Get your body moving. Cherish the moments when you run, laugh, sing, dance, or dream. Your body may not look “perfect” doing these things, but you can still be grateful for how it helps you achieve your daily goals. Reframe the big picture. Mainstream media often has its own ideas of what it means to look beautiful. How about discussing this with your friends? You’d surely discover how much these images and messages are far off from reality. Make a list. Write down everything that you like about your body. Have your trusted friend or partner help out if you like, so you can go back to the list every time you need the motivation. Find your role models. Surround yourself with influencers who have a body shape or type similar to yours. One Instagram experiment demonstrates how women felt instantly better about themselves right after viewing body-positive posts. Sexy you around. Being comfortable in your own skin also involves wearing what makes you feel good about your body. Sexy lingerie isn’t off-limits at all—there’s always one that suits every body type! Unlearning your negative thoughts and feelings about your own body may be difficult, but it’s not impossible. After all, body positivity is about challenging society’s narrow assumptions to adopt a more inclusive idea of beauty— one that includes the woman you see in the mirror. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) What is body image? Body image is how you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror. This can include what you think about your height, weight, and other aspects of your physical appearance. What people say about you or other societal expectations can also affect how comfortable you are in your own skin. Why is it important for women to have a positive body image? A positive body image promotes good physical and mental health among women. That’s because having good thoughts and feelings about yourself makes you less likely to develop anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and other forms of mental illness. It also enables you to develop a healthy lifestyle for a confidence and self-esteem boost. What are the causes of negative body image? Scientists cannot pinpoint a single cause, but there are several factors that can make you prone to developing a negative body image. These include being overweight or underweight, getting bullied for your appearance, and absorbing unhealthy images or messages about “ideal” body types from the media. Are women more likely to have a negative body image? Unfortunately, yes. Studies show that while all genders can suffer from body dissatisfaction, women tend to be least happy about their appearance, regardless of age or ethnicity. Experts say that this is mostly due to the unrealistic portrayals of women across all forms of media. How can I have sex with my partner when I'm not confident with my body? Sex is more than just a physical activity. The emotional connection you share should make you attractive and desirable no matter how you look, so don’t sweat it! More than anything else, sex is only one way for you to show your love and appreciation for each other. What can I do to improve my body image? There are many things you can do to improve your body image. However, it all boils down to accepting your own body and listening to voices of encouragement. These won’t instantly get rid of your negative thoughts, but they’d help you develop healthier thought patterns towards a positive body image. What if my partner doesn't like the way I look? You have to voice out your concerns when your partner makes you feel bad about your body. Talk to them about how you’re currently working on accepting yourself and that they should be willing to help you in this process. If nothing changes, then it’s probably time to reconsider your relationship.
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Female Sexuality
How you can stop seeing female sexuality as a guilty pleasure There’s no shame in exploring who you are and what you desire. Just come as you are! Growing up, you’d probably been told that female sexual desire is something indecent, unacceptable, or even unthinkable. You were raised to think that women shouldn’t be seeking pleasure at all, even when men are expected to have an insatiable appetite for sex. But the truth is, sex affects your health and well-being just as much as men. And it’s not just the physical pleasure that you’re missing out on. Whenever you achieve orgasm, you also get to reap the benefits of stress relief, good sleep, clear skin, and so much more. Despite that, do you know that in recent surveys, only about 6 out of 10 women say they usually or always achieved orgasm during sex, compared to 9 out of 10 men? This earth-shattering 30% difference is what experts now refer to as the orgasm gap. We clearly aren’t getting the pleasure we deserve. So how do we begin empowering ourselves as women during our most intimate experiences? Here’s a taste of all you need to know about your own sexuality and femininity. Food for thought Why do we have to talk more about female sexuality in the first place? It might be easy for people to dismiss it as a simple urge or impulse that must be controlled, but there is more to sexuality than just the act. Sexuality is your intimate understanding of your physical attractions. It is all about being in touch with your emotions and sensations. This isn’t the same as your biological sex, which is decided by the physical characteristics you are born with. Sexuality also isn’t your gender or how you identify yourself in society. When it comes to your sexuality, there is no right or wrong answer. Only you can say what feels right for you. Same sex? Not always Unlike what most people think, your sexual feelings and behaviors aren’t always heterosexual or towards the opposite gender. You can be homosexual, someone attracted to the same gender. If you feel attracted to more than one gender, you’re either bisexual or pansexual. It’s even alright to be asexual when you aren’t attracted to anyone else. Sexuality isn’t fixed either. Yours can change as you mature, especially from late adolescence to your late 20s. A study published in The Journal of Sex Research proves women are more likely to be sexually fluid than men, with 1 out of 6 ladies identifying as “emerging bi” or “emerging lesbian.” “[Female sexuality] is about our relationship to the senses. It's about slowing down, listening to the body, coming into the present moment.” —Sarah Barmak To explore your own sexuality is to discover more of who you are and what you desire. And by being aware of all these, you’ll be able to connect better to yourself and your partner without getting held back by guilt. The body talk As women, why do we know so little about how our own body experiences sexual pleasure? That’s because science has been restricted by social conventions that frown upon women for wanting sex. Society strongly believes that women aren’t made to have physical desires the way men are. And while things are better than before, there is still much for us to learn. The full anatomy of the clitoris was discovered and mapped by urologist Helen O’Connell only in 1998, nearly three decades after Armstrong walked on the moon. Fortunately, with women being part of the discussion, we’re starting to unravel the hidden truths of the female body. For instance, how the clitoris is your primary sex organ. What the vulva really is. Where to find the G-spot. Why the vagina is more than just a vessel for a penis. And the best-kept secret to enjoying great sex? It’s all in your head. So what health benefits do we get from indulging in our own sensuality? Sleep tight. Feel-good hormones like oxytocin released during sex are enough to make you fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer. According to sleep scientist Michele Lastella, 64% of couples say they slept better after their orgasm. Keep calm. Getting too stressed out? One research has proven that orgasms inhibit the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, among most women. Release tension. Studies show that playing under the sheets is a good exercise to relieve both sexual and muscle tension. You can even lose about 3.6 calories a minute if you keep the fire burning. Glow up. If people compliment you for having a post-sex glow, they’re not lying. Dermatologists say that orgasms are good for your skin since they increase blood flow and prevent period acne. Come to life. As it turns out, climaxes strengthen your immune system and reduce the risk of heart diseases. Not to mention, as per Howard S. Friedman Ph.D., sexually satisfied women tend to live longer than those who are not. Coming full circle Does all this mean that female sexuality is straightforward? Not quite. Unlike male pleasure, the path to female pleasure isn’t linear. Just take it from Dr. Rosemary Basson and her circular model of female sexual response. There’s a difference between desire and arousal. Desire refers to the emotional craving for sex, while arousal is the physiological reaction of the body when sexually excited. Basson explains that there are many ways women can feel sexual arousal apart from desire, such as motivation or context. Your body also gets satisfaction from one climax, multiple climaxes, or even no climax at all. What matters most is defining your pleasure in your own terms. With all that in mind, how can your sexual experience come full circle? These are some good ideas for you to try: Go solo. Before anything else, find out what gives you pleasure by exploring your body. What feels good to the senses may be different for every woman, so don’t feel pressured to act a certain way. Just come as you are. Tips and tricks. Ask trusted experts or friends. Read and reflect on your own sexuality. There are many opportunities to learn, so long as you’re approaching the subject with an open mind. Lay bare. Communicate with your partner about how you like to be touched. That way, sex will become a more enjoyable experience for both of you. Toy with sex. Discover the wonderful world of sexual stimulation by finding the best sex toy that brings you pleasure. Why not start your search right here? Now you’re one step closer to becoming more cliterate and discovering your body’s potential for pleasure. So feel free to savor your moments of sensual enjoyment by yourself or with your partner. Sexuality should be a woman’s finest guilt-free delight, after all. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) WHAT IS SEXUALITY? IS THERE MORE TO IT THAN THE ACT ITSELF? Sexuality is an intimate understanding of your physical attractions. More than doing the deed, it’s about being in touch with your body—all your feelings and sensations—to connect with yourself and your partner. Taking control of your own pleasure… now that’s empowering! SEXUALITY, BIOLOGICAL SEX, AND GENDER—WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE? While sexuality defines who you’re attracted to, biological sex determines the primary and secondary characteristics you were born with (male, female, or intersex). Meanwhile, gender refers to how you choose to identify in society (male, female, or nonbinary/genderfluid), regardless of sex. A person whose gender differs from their sex is called transgender. CAN I BE ATTRACTED TO SAME SEX OR MORE THAN ONE GENDER? Yes! It’s normal for people to be sexually attracted to the opposite gender (heterosexual), same gender (homosexual), more than one gender (bisexual), anyone regardless of gender (pansexual), or no one else (asexual). Whatever it may be, your sexuality is always valid, so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise! CAN MY SEXUALITY CHANGE OVER TIME? Yes. In fact, changes in sexuality are more common than you think, especially from late adolescence to the late 20s. According to one study, women are more likely to be sexually fluid than men, with 1 out of 6 ladies identifying as “emerging gay” or “emerging lesbian.” WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT FEMALE SEXUALITY? Understanding female sexuality will have huge effects on the way we create expectations around body image, self-love, and relationships. More importantly, this will help us know what feels good and assert ourselves confidently when it no longer does. This ultimately redirects the discourse around consent in a better direction. ISN’T SEX MORE OF A MALE NEED THAN A FEMALE NEED? While it is true that men are more sexually driven than women on average, that doesn’t mean that women are prudes who never think dirty. Yet there’s at least a 30% orgasm gap between men and women! It’s definitely a basic need that nearly everyone has but nearly enough get. WHY CAN’T I ORGASM AS EASILY AS MY MALE PARTNER? When it comes to sex, people assume that both men and women get satisfaction only from intercourse. But that’s not true! The majority (73%) of women actually need or prefer clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. If you’re finding it more difficult to orgasm, it’s probably because your clitoris isn’t getting enough attention. WHAT ARE THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF ORGASMS? Studies show that the grand finale of sex has its benefits. By releasing a concoction of feel-good hormones such as estrogen and oxytocin, orgasms can relieve stress, improve sleep, relieve muscle tension, make skin glow, strengthen the immune system, and many more! ARE ALL WOMEN CAPABLE OF HAVING MULTIPLE ORGASMS? Yes, women’s bodies are actually capable of having several orgasms in succession. Unlike men, who cannot ejaculate within a long refractory period, women can shake things up once again after even just half a minute. Slow and steady does the trick! HOW MUCH SEX IS TOO MUCH? Sex isn’t inherently bad. You can have sex every day without it being harmful. However, it becomes a compulsion (i.e. hypersexuality) when you’re using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism for life problems, and when either party feels unsatisfied by the arrangement.
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